


A Hogswatch Tale

by BCBoo



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: Book: Hogfather, Hogswatch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 08:48:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17056628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BCBoo/pseuds/BCBoo
Summary: A little seasonal tale.Twas the night before Hogswatch and all through the house...





	A Hogswatch Tale

'Twas the night before Hogswatch, and all through the house  
A creature was stirring, it wasn't a mouse;  
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,  
And turnips left out for hogs soon to share;

The children were tucked up all snug in their beds,  
While visions of sugar-pigs danced in their heads;  
Parents asleep and the dis-organiser ready,  
To wake them both up with a morning beep medley,

When out on the street there arose such a clatter,  
They sprang from their beds to see what was the matter.  
Away to the window they flew like a flash,  
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon reflected on well trodden snow,  
The stench of the Ankh wafted below,  
When, to their blurred eyes what should appear,  
But an unlicensed thief, who had had too much beer.

A tired old tailor, his work shift now over,  
Had run into the thief before his hangover.  
A more Ankh-Morpork scene you could not imagine,  
Even the Watch would look on with dispassion;

"Give me you...your money you overpaid bastard"  
The thief slurred and spluttered, very much plastered.  
"I'll stab you with this!" He produced a small knife,  
Unaware he was now risking his life.

For the tailor had survived the Ankh-Morpork streets,  
For many a year and had the receipts,  
From thieves and from beggars,  
His dues all paid up, he wouldn't take this from some drunken pup.

And then, with a laugh, his scissors he produced,  
Strengthened with age and sharpened to boot.  
The thief seemed to falter, this wasn't quite right,  
Scare people quickly in the dead of the night.

It was an old trick, that had worked times before,  
He'd got money and jewels and sometimes much more;  
Head very muzzy and swearing he could hear,  
The faint sound of Watchmen getting quite near,

His eyes they look scared but he tried one time more,  
To threaten and embezzle coin galore.  
He lunged at the tailor but the man stepped aside,  
Then what transpired was Ankh-Morpork suicide;

The Watch soon agreed no-one was at fault,  
They could not charge anything, even assault;  
They led him away and then went off in a hurry,  
Back to the Watch House for coco and curry.

The family retired, entertainment now over,  
No-one spotted a cowled figure, his turn to take over;  
The thief now a memory, no-one there to fight,  
Left Death all alone on this Hogswatch Night;

He looked at the sky and remembered one year,  
When children had greeted him, no hint of fear,  
He and his "elf" flew all over the Disc,  
To keep belief alive, no thought of the risk;

Death sighed like no other, a long forlorn sound,  
It was a good night, no more would abound.  
But perhaps one more time, his eyes lit up bright,  
HAPPY HOGSWATCH TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!


End file.
